Friday, June 6, 2014

Your workplace has a "X days since last accident" sign. One day, it gets reset, and nobody will tell you why.


Today started out like pretty much any other day. 

I woke up 2 minutes before my alarm, got dressed, had my breakfast and went to work.

When I arrived, I methodically punched my timecard and went to my work station. I put on my gear and started hand painting my portion of the zagets, like I do 6 days a week, like I've done for the last 14 months. 

Each day, I pass by the sign, "X days since last accident". Last I checked it read "443 days" and was pretty happy that nothing had happened since even before I started working there. 

Zaget assembly was a tough and tedious job. There were 24 stations, most manned by 4 people. Most of the big parts were assembled by robotic arms, but my job was to hand paint the logo and a few other details as the zaget passed on the assembly line. There were only 2 people at my station. Me and Taylor. 

I have to admit, I wasn't too liked here. I have always been a little socially awkward and when I tried to befriend people, it just wouldn't work out. I didn't mind too much. I enjoyed solitude and preferred to stay away from company gossip. Who cared who was dating who anyway? 

Taylor was pretty and popular. She already had a boyfriend and was always really nice when she had to turn down all her potential suitors.   People always came around to talk to her. She tried to include me, but no one else wanted to talk to me. Sometimes she and I would have pleasant conversations about our favorite superhero movie when no one else was around, but it wasn't too often. 

For the most part, the assembly line never stopped. We all took shifts and someone was always working. I was a little sad because I was hoping she and I could take a break together every once in a while since she was the only person who would talk to me.

It was time for lunch. I had my usual: turkey and cheese sandwich on rye with a little bit of mustard and green lettuce, a medium sized fuji apple and cran-grape juice. 

After my lunch break, I clocked back in. I glanced up at the sign again and saw that it now read "0 days since last accident". 

I don't care for drama, but I was very curious about what had happened. I headed back to my station and noticed that the assembly line stopped and everyone gathered in my area. 

"Taylor!" I thought. I hope she's ok!

I hurried over and tried to force my way through the crowd. I caught bits and pieces of conversation and tried to ask a few people what happened. 

"One of the robot arms went haywire..."

"...never saw it coming..."

Frantically, I continued to make my way to my station. Everyone was too wrapped up in themselves to even notice me.

"...died instantly..."

I finally got to my area.

There Taylor was, sitting in her usual spot, softly crying. I went up to her and touched her arm. My touch didn't register. It was like she couldn't feel it.

"Taylor, what's wrong? What happened?"

I looked up. The medics were placing a body on the stretcher.

"How odd," I thought, "those pants look like mine."

Then I realized... those were my pants. I was getting zipped up in that body bag.



Tuesday, May 20, 2014

A superhero is called to save the world - while he is on the toilet, with a bad case of the runs.

Writing Prompt #8 A superhero is called to save the world - while he is on the toilet, with a bad case of the runs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Gurgle gurgle gurgle" his stomach grumbled.

He had just finished two of his favorite California burritos; each with extra sour cream, guacamole, habanero sauce and extra fries from the local taco shop. He was ravenous, so even when it tasted a bit off, he devoured both of them anyway. It's hard work saving the world, a superhero's got to eat!

As, he was walking back to his apartment, a sharp pain formed in his gut. He got goosebumps and felt the familiar urgency that calls every so often when he tests if his stomach is made of steel.

Apparently it isn't today.

"Only a few more blocks, you got this" he said to himself as he picked up the pace.

He got to the door of his apartment building and fished out his keys. He could feel the pressure building, and of course, he dropped his keys. Slowly and steadily, he carefully bends his knees to pick them up. "No need to cause an embarrassing scene here," he thought.

Success! The door to the lobby opened.

"Thank goodness I live on the first floor!" he quietly said out load as he half walked, half jogged to his apartment. Another pain stabbed his gut. Taking a deep breath, he slowed down just a little because he knew that if he gets too anxious, he could drop his keys again and at this point, he felt like he was going to explode.

This time he was prepared with house key in hand, ready to put in the lock. No problems this time. Key in key hole, unlock, AWESOME!

The urgency turned into an emergency as he slammed the front door and made a mad dash to the toilet. He hastily unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants and yanked down the zipper. He could feel his sphincter relaxing even though he willed it with all his might to keep it under control.

At last, he was on the throne, relaxing enough to let the contents of his bowels come out.

"Phew, that was a close one!" he thought to himself. He had barely been able to yank off his underwear and could honestly admit that he almost crapped his pants!

He looked down, "D'oh!" there was a bit on his pants after all. "No one will ever know of this, ever!"

Just then another huge pain wrenched his gut, making him double over.

The cramps took over and all he could do was close his eyes and keep pushing. Violent splashing erupted under him. When the pain subsided, the stench overwhelmed him and he reached behind him for a courtesy flush, even if it were just for him.

"I wonder if this in any way, shape or form resembles giving birth," he thought as he grunted and pushed. The pain was grueling, and unwavering. There was a blockage and the peristaltic movement was too slow for his liking. He hated it when this happened, why couldn't it just all come out in a steadily like his normal defecations?

As his cramps subsided, he heard a soft noise.

<<BUZZ>>

In his haste to relieve himself, he just carried everything into the bathroom with him.

He checked his personal cell. Nope, it wasn't that one.

"Oh NO!" he said aloud. It was his "in case of emergency the world is going to be destroyed!" phone and the President was on the line.

He knew that if he didn't take this, a catastrophic disaster could hit, but if he did... the pain in his stomach caused him to moan in pain as more chills came to him. If he did... who knows what would happen?

"I HAVE to answer this!" He said aloud. "The world is depending on me!"

His body was revolting, his bowels were ready to move, but the call made him anxious and gave him stage fright.

Briefly, he considered getting off the toilet to take the call.

As soon as the thought entered his mind, it left as he once more doubled over with a cramp that was worse than any before.

"Damn! Why did I courtesy flush?! There was already so much in there, it could have softened the splashes!"

Quickly, he wadded up a decent amount of toilet paper and dropped it in the bowl. He considered wiping, but in order to answer the phone he'd have to wash his hands and the sink was too far away.

<<BUZZ BUZZ>>

Time was running out, he HAD to take it.

He selected the "answer call" icon on the phone.

"Black Phantom! We need your help!" the President exclaimed in a panicked voice.

"Madame President! How can I be of service?"

"Get on video STAT, I need to show you what's going on!"

Black Phantom hesitates, looks around to see if he can cover the toilet with a towel or something so it doesn't look so obvious that he's in the bathroom. He pulls one off the rack behind him and rearranges the other one to cover it and hopes that it blends into the background. He also reaches for his mask, which is always in his back pocket, as he has yet to reveal his true identity and he knew that this could potentially have many other viewers. Good thing he didn't stain this!

"Black Phantom, what's taking you so long? Don't you know this is a matter of the national security?!" the President barks, getting impatient by his lack of response. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Madame President, I'm here." As he says this, he feels the build up of tension in his intestines. He's using all his will power to keep it in because he can tell. This one is a big one. He's on a video call with the President, he can see her Joint Chiefs of Staff and other personnel that he can't make out.

Half listening and half concentrating on maintaining control of his body, he focuses on the President's words and the visuals she's showing him. Anything to help him ignore desperation he was feeling. Behind the mask, a thin layer of sweat has coated him. He prayed that it would be over soon.

"Do you have any questions?"

"No Madame President. I understand."

"Good luck Black Phantom. The world is depending on you."

The call went on for 4 minutes and 39 seconds. Since he records these calls, he didn't have to worry about missing any important details because he could replay them on his way to his destination.

Relieved that the call is finally over, he drops the phone on his pants, he relaxes and lets loose. A projectile rush of defecation fills the toilet bowl as he lets out a loud and hard earned fart.

As his stomach finally calms down, he hears some muffled voices and reaches for the phone. He hesitates, but forces himself to reach for the phone. He thought he disconnected the call, but he was too distracted by the pain of holding in everything for so long.

He looks at it and sees that the President had left to attend other business (thank goodness!), but several of her staff members were still working on the logistics. Their mortified faces say it all.

"CRAP!" he says to himself; he forgot to disconnect the call.





Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sometimes...

I've been a bit slow on the story front, but in the meantime, I've come up with a series of haikus that start with "Sometimes". I'll be adding a few as I go, so check back every so often.

april 2014:


I've also decided to just add the text and when the time comes, if I feel like it, I'll add some illustrations to replace the words. :)


Sometimes empathy
is difficult to feel when
the guy is an ass

Sometimes I can see
someone else's perspective
is better than mine

Sometimes it's fun to
try to write haikus even
if they make no sense

Sometimes it's nice to
sit in the car and listen
to the raindrops fall

sometimes we try too
hard to impress those who don't
really matter much

sometimes you find out
what you thought was genuine
was an illusion


Sometimes a bath is
just what I need to relax
that, or a cocktail

Sometimes life does not
work out the way you wanted
sometimes, it's BETTER





march 2014:








Thursday, March 6, 2014

“I'm in love with cities I've never been to and people I've never met.” - John Green

So I've been AWOL because I've been traveling... For now, I have some pictures to share, but stories will follow soon...


Uluwatu Temple
Uluwatu Temple

Seminyak Beach


Taal Lake



Victoria's Peak

View from IFC 2

Hong Kong Skyline

Big Buddha


Saturday, January 11, 2014

"If the boy and girl walk off into the sunset hand-in-hand in the last scene, it adds 10 million to the box office." - George Lucas

One of the things I love about living on the West Coast is the chance to capture some beautiful sunsets.

East Beach, Santa Barbara, CA


La Jolla, CA




It is on her that I rest my perverse attention.

Ok, I'm guilty, I've been slacking... Here's a small piece to get me started again. I'm sure some of you will have opinions on this... but in some ways I'm very amused. I'm sure we all know someone like this...

Writing Prompt #7 'It is on her that I rest my perverse attention.'

I started coming to this coffee shop after I was told this hot barista worked here.

He was right, she is gorgeous.

Look at those cheek bones and that long thick brown hair. Dressed in black from head to toe, her clothes cling to her like they were made just for her, outlining her shapely figure.

Sometimes we’d come together. I would watch with jealousy as he’d smoothly flirt with her and eventually found out her name. I never spoke to her except to give her my order.

As soon as I knew her identity, I began to stalk her though Facebook, instagram, and twitterto find out as much as I could.

Who was this bitch who’s trying to steal MY man?

It is on her that I rest my perverse attention. 

Sunday, December 8, 2013

You meet someone in dreams repeatedly, but each time they're a little different.

I've been slacking, I know! I've been doing a lot of reading. In fact, just today, I finished Game of Thrones... after about 8 months. (Gimme a break... it's 800+ pages! Plus I've read about 4 books in between.)

Oh and I got a keyboard, so I've been fiddling with that. :)

I'm a bit rusty. I like the idea better than the execution...

Writing Prompt #6 You meet someone in dreams repeatedly, but each time they're a little different.

I was 4 when I first dreamt of him. He was an old man with white hair and looked around my grandfather's age. I remember wondering who he was because he looked familiar, but like no one in the family I had ever seen.

He was playing with several kids my age and I wanted to play too. But for some reason, they were always just out of reach. Whenever I went to where I thought they were, they were somewhere else. I was always able to see what they were doing, but I couldn't find a way to participate.

I was too young to make sense of it, and didn't think anything of it.

When I was 12, he reappeared. He was younger now, maybe late 40s. The children around him were a older, again about my age. There were only 2 this time and they more closely resembled him. He was with a woman that looked to be his wife and they were very happy. They looked to be on a family vacation on a tropical island.

When I woke up, I asked my mom about the family and if there were any uncles or second cousins that I hadn't met yet. We were a very close family and as far as I knew, we all migrated to the States during the war and no one was left behind.

I scoured through the few old pictures she was able to bring with her when she fled, but I never saw him in any of them.

Nine years later, he reemerged. He was my age this time. I recognized him right away. He was about to graduate college, as was I. The people around him were definitely family. I saw my mom there this time, much older as well as some cousins who also aged. He must be family, but who was he?

I looked through pictures again, and scoured family Facebook accounts to see if I could determine who he was. No success.

Five years later, I saw him again. He was a teenager now. Young, awkward, but still well adjusted. I stopped trying to put meaning behind it. After all, they were just dreams weren't they?

At 36, he came to me again. This time he was about 4 years old. I couldn't believe it when I dreamt of him again. All this time I had been dreaming of my future son! This time, I was dreaming about him at the age he actually was. His beautiful face, his resemblance to the family!

I recalled the dreams I had when I was younger, and hoped the future I had dreamed for him would come true.